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emodoll224
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Name: Amanda
Gender: Female
Interests: I LOVE GOD above all else. My goal in life is to live for Him alone. I love MUSIC. It's a problem, really. It's hard to even list all of the bands I like. Just a couple are: Death Cab for Cutie, Bloc Party, Copeland, the Killers, Never the Less, Number One Fan, ivory, hot hot heat, rilo kiley, Franz Ferdinand, Underoath, Emery, Eisley, Lovedrug, Mae, Coldplay, Jimmy Eat World...most of the stuff on the first OC soundtrack...and lots lots more. i love concerts, sitting in the back of my car, california pizza kitchen, flip flops, high heels, prom dresses, lake michigan, frank sinatra music... I love to sing, play piano, guitar and WRITE. I write like crazy... I love rock star hair and clothes. I love basketball, and I coach it. I am dramatic. I think in lyrics. I embellish clothes...kind of design them. (Let me know if you've got a need in that area!) I love to read: the Bible (especially James and Psalm 37), John Piper, and contemporary classics... I like dreaming of things so impossib
Expertise: English/writing, fashion design, and music
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
6/10/2004
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| I think it's time for a change. emodoll224 might be coming to an end.
New Xanga Site:
http://www.xanga.com/I_Am_Not_My_Own414
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| I just thought I'd update ...because I haven't in awhile.
hmmm not a whole lot to say... just that things are going fine.
I'm learning to trust God more and more.
I'm learning patience, and longsuffering.
I'm learning how to walk by faith and not by sight.
I'm learning how to love God with all my heart, soul, and mind.
As for other things, I'll be the first to tell you that it's not easy being a coach...
winning...players...playing time...parents... there's a lot to deal with.
I love it, though. Really, I do.
My girls were so excited when they got 3rd place in the tournament we
participated in on Saturday. There was a trophy involved which caused
even greater excitement. Man, I love those girls... and I love
basketball too. :)
It's funny how I really have no idea what the next hour, next day, next
week will bring. I have no idea. It's an incredibly intricate story
that God keeps unfolding moment by moment.
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| Interesting things have been happening in some of my classes. My
History teacher has been talking about Calvinism a lot in his teaching
on puritan new England. He really enjoys talking about it, and of
course I add comments and questions about his commentary. However, he's
not a Christian. Sometimes it almost makes me angry when I see people
looking at the concept of total depravity as if it is ridiculous, and I
add my fair share of comments... My writing teacher also makes
references to the hopeless condition of mankind. Don't they want a
solution to it? I think they've looked before, but they haven't really
seen....
So today I was walking around campus and thinking about being a
Christian in a school where everyone around me doesn't hold much esteem
for God or seem to care about Him at all. Sometimes I wonder just how
much to let everyone around me know... I know that I'm not ashamed of
being a Christian at all, so that wouldn't be the thing.... It's just
that once people know you're a Christian, they hold you to a different
standard. I almost feel like if any of my teachers find out that I'm a
Christian and then I do some assignment incompetantly, that would
reflect really poorly on Christ? I don't know, I just want to reflect
well on Christ.
However, everyone seems so lost there sometimes. I don't think anyone is happy.
I'm happy.
And it's not because of me at all, it's because of God.
They could have that, too, if they'd only put all of their faith in Him.... if they'd only give their lives over to Him.
pray.
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Yesterday night was a landmark in some ways.
Goodbye youth group. As much as I hate to say it, I think it's that time...
Pastor Josh was very transparent last night in a way that I greatly
appreciate. Sometimes I learn most by watching other respond to less
than favorable situations in the way Christ would, or feeling deep pain
and remorse and regret for previous actions done incorrectly. I know
this to be true - I don't want a man that's always right. One day I'll
get married (Lord willing,) and I've got a pretty good idea of what I
want in a guy. Really, what I want is for Him to be like Jesus, and the
more I get to know Jesus and people that reflect Jesus, the more I
realize what Jesus would look like.
I know that Jesus wouldn't have been wrong because he was God and He
was perfect. However, I think it really glorifies God when a Christian
is humble - is willing to admit that they were wrong blatantly and
publicly and specifically. I think that really brings a lot of glory to
God. It tells everyone "hey, I'm not that great, I'm not that big, and
I know that I'm not. I make terrible mistakes just like everyone else,
but you know what? I've got a big God who is great, and He changes
normal people like me into extroadinary tools to serve Him."
Would it be fitting
There was a lot of mention of that last night - humility. The Bible actually says that "God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble."
Think about that. I think a lot of people just gloss over verses like
that, but they have so much meaning! God is actively against people who
are proud! What is pride? Well, we all have it (and you're probably
proud if you think you don't!). Pride is ever thinking that there is
anything good about us. That's just it. There is nothing at all good in us.
You know what anything good, anything desirable, anything beautiful in
us is? Christ. It is Christ in us, Christ reflected in us. But it is
most definitley not us.
Imagine that one day someone came up to you and
gave you a book they had written. It had been written beautifully. It
was some of the most amazing work you had ever read. The author told
you to share it with others and to give them the authors name, so that
they could directly show their praise and appreciation for the author's
work. What if you took the book and shared it, but told people that you
had written it? What if you began to brag about the "amazing book you
had written," and how "talented of an author you were," and how
"articulate of a writer you were?" That would be completely un-logical
and unjust to an extreme! It would be taking credit for work that we
had absolutely no part in! We, as proud people, do that every day.
Thus, there is no room to be proud of anything about us. When we
think about ourselves - our sinful, dirty selves - we should hang our
heads in shame. The only reason that we have positive qualities that
cause us to look at ourselves and think we "aren't so bad" is because
Christ has instilled them within us as we grow more like Him as
reflections of Him in us. Therefore, it isn't right for us to look at
those things and start thinking that we're pretty good. We need to look
at those things and brag about what a great God we have! Christ is the ONLY thing that we have the liberty to boast in
- and it should be pretty easy to do that if you view the world
honestly. Everything worthy of boasting about, of being proud of, is
done by Christ anyway!
Other things Christ is doing... well... I think he's going to do some
big stuff with the college kids at my church. He's been burdening a lot
of our hearts lately for the same thing, and I'm pretty sure He's got a
reason! I'm really excited to see what He has in store and to let
myself be used by Him. Also, I've been really blessed to be coaching
basketball for NCS. My girls are such blessings. The team is doing
really well, and I'm just really thanful that God has given me this
opportunity.
and as a note, I've been thinking lately... and I really do think that God "lays things on people's hearts,"
and "tells people" things often. Not audibly, of course, but in their
hearts. I think God leads my heart different directions often. Two
questions in my mind rise from that statement: 1) why do some people
say that God is "laying something on their heart" or "telling them to
do something" when it is clearly not what they should be doing?
Sometimes people even think that "God is telling them" to do things
that are against what He has said in the Bible in some form or another!
This obviously is not true. I don't think He is telling them that. I
think that they are not in tune with God and that He is not in complete
control of every area of their life, and they are using their own
desires as "God's voice" in their life. I think that they aren't
surrendering to God completely, and getting all of their joy, happiness
and satisfaction from Him. Thus, they interpret their own desires to be
"God's leading." 2) why do we so often not know what it is that God
wants us to do and think that we need to "tough it out" and "figure it
out" for ourselves? God will lead us if we are completely in submission
to Him, and if we give over our entire lives to Him. Often God's
promptings are soft and quiet, but sure. If we block out the noise of
our daily lives and give everything over to Him, we will be able to
feel them. I am confident that God guides us through our lives if we
only truly walk by faith - one step at a time seeking His will in all
areas, in all actions, in everything that we do.
p.s. - another thing, why do so many people think it's okay to reserve "areas" that God isn't "concerned" with in their lives
such as what they say in daily conversations (even joking), what they
watch on tv or in the movies, what kind of words go into their ears
through their music, how they present themselves by how they dress?
Christ wants us to reflect Him in all areas, and wants everything we do
to be causing us to grow more and more like Him. How is all of that
stuff in your life helping you to grow more and more like Christ? I
think it can do that for sure, but make sure you don't close that area
off in your life to God and keep it as your own. No area of your life
is yours if you really are a Christian.
leave some comments. I for sure don't know all of the answers and I'd love to know what's going through your minds. :)
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So yesterday:
After my 4th class of the day, I decided to do some exploring during my
two hour break. I pulled out my map of restaurant locations and
corresponded the square and rectangular shapes to those on the main map
of the campus. The restaurant map indicated the presense of a Starbucks
on campus. Determined to find it, I set out on my journey while
imagining pictures of myself drinking a raspberry mocha in the artsy
yet studious envornment of Starbucks, reading my economics chapter
surprisingly quickly and even more surprising - understanding it
easily. My quest took me to the perimeter of the campus, where I found
myself wandering in between research buildings and a main road.
Eventually I asked a student where the nearest Starbucks was. She gave
directions to one in Ann Arbor, but no indication of knowledge of one
on campus.
After deciding that the Starbucks on the map was nonexistant and simply
there to offer false hope to optimistic caffiene addicted students in
attempt to lure them into touring the less interesting and sparsely
populated portions of the campus, I began to make my way back to the
heart of the campus. I contemplated embarking on a new adventure and
searching for the food court. However, the familiar habits of my feet
took control as they carried me to the now familiar student union
building. In my one last attempt for adventure, I glimpsed the posted
map outside of the student union. You'd think that they'd have one of
those red dots labeled "you are here" on the map like they do in the
mall. Instead the map consisted of the usual squares and rectangles,
accompanied by an alphabetized list of buildings.
Once I realized that the food court was virtually on the opposite side
of campus, I shoved my hopes of adventure aside for yet another day and
made my way into the student union where I purchased a satisfactiory
(yet not Starbucks caliber) raspberry mocha and a salt pretzel.
Unhealthy - I know, but I had earlier promised myself that I would try
the pretzel place. I constantly make myself those kinds of promises,
and have no choice but to follow through. I surveyed the tables for one
not next to anyone that looked
particularly talkative, interesting, or alert to those sitting at
nearby tables, not next to anyone who would mentally comment on my
unhealthy food intake, stare uncomfortably at me, or have any
interesting conversation with the people at their table that would
distract me. Yes, I am easily distracted. Finally I suceeded....or so I
thought. I did read, but I always fiind ways to divert my attention
from the task at hand - such as looking over at the boy who is sitting
at his table eating and doing absolutely nothing, or at the woman with
the choppy haircut that is reading for what seems to be a literature
course, or the clothes of the passersby I see out the window, or the
mariachi band dressed in full garb walking down the sidewalk... When I
finally force my eyes back on the page, my hearing kicks in. I hear the
choppy haircut woman talking on the phone, saying how she's tired - and
I believe it due to the way she put her head down in between pages... I
hear the two European girls at the table next to me chatting away in
Spanish. I hear some guy at a table behind me explaining the story of
some extremely jealous girl and how he didn't call her and how she
called him for no reason (although she must have had one)... I began to
speculate in my mind as to what the story could be about, and finally
landed on the correct conclusion: an ex girlfriend. Then he proceeded
to talk about some party he was at where he drank seventeen beers... (If
I were the girl at the table with him, I would be thinking "loser"
right about now...)
Somehow economics is too scientific and seems pointless when there are such more relevant and beneficial things to observe.
zeroes and ones.
p.s. - today I found the food court
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